Now, my wife thinks I’m somewhat eccentric
With my self-diagnostic technique;
I’m accused of high drama again, Chick –
But Dah-ling, I’m feeling quite weak. . .

‘Cause I gushed like a geyser, sprayed half the floor;
Flooded the loo – and the bathroom door
Was spattered with blood;
It looked just like that scene
In the shower from Psycho –
Know what I mean?

But the Wife showed no sympathy or understanding –
What d’you expect? It’s a totally Man thing!
She can’t relate – that’s why it’s MENS-truation:
An exclusive term – man’s unique situation.

The thought of this torture should turn her to jelly:
I told her – “It’s like someone wrenches your belly,
Shredding your guts into bits, before grabbing
Your gonads, then there’s a sensation like stabbing. . .”

She slurped on her beer, gave a look of dismay,
Said, “Not now my Love – it is Match of the Day”. . .
Then despite my distress, she still jeered, cheered and booed
And carried on scoffing her trough of fast food.

Women. They understand nothing
Of the blight and the plight and the bane:
It’s bad enough forcing out babies,
Without all the period pain;
And it’s hard to hold on to your manhood,
When it seems like a ball and a chain.
Empathy – that would be useful:
Perhaps it would make her humane.


© Theresa van Straten 2005 All Rights Reserved