The loop diathermy
Made me feel squirmy:
I lay on my back on the chair.
Both ankles in stirrups;
I heard the chirrups
Of birds singing sweetly, out there.
On the small TV screen,
Bits that I’d never seen
Were exposed via magnification.
My modest vagina,
Looked like Asia Minor,
Before it saw civilisation.
I was clamped, I was lubed,
Then a long plastic tube
Was inserted deep into my muff;
She scraped a small broom
On the neck of my womb
And I said, “That’s a little too rough”.
I felt quite pathetic
As the anaesthetic
Went into my pink lady cave;
But the prick was so small,
I felt nothing at all –
Though the nurse said “You’re ever so brave”.
Then into my thing
Came a thin metal ring:
Like a cheese wire, it sliced off a section
Of cervical meat,
(Not something you’d eat),
For the purpose of closer inspection.
The process was quickly completed;
The deviant cells were removed;
The symptoms of cancer, deleted:
My mind and my body approved.
My twat – it was sore until Friday
And no, I don’t mean to affront,
When I state it simply, in my way:
Always look after your