It’s the show with the flow from the man in the know,
And it’s ho-lier than thou;
It’s fantastic, it’s bombastic – it’s totally Pope-tastic,
It’s crucial – and it’s on right now!
No time to joke: ’cause it’s holy smoke,
When they’ve sorted out the goody from the baddy,
Later in the day, when the senate’s had its say:
We’ll reveal who’s the Holy Daddy!
It’s pristine; it’s Sistine – so I’m gonna keep it clean,
For the Rome boys and the home-boys in the place;
The backdrop’s old and classy: gold and fresco – strictly R.C.;
So let’s commence proceedings, saying Grace.
We’ll have a righteous rave, sitting down in the conclave
To view the cardinals pontiff-icating:
It gets heated in the Chapel, but there’s never been a grapple –
Though we know there is a lot of mass debating.
First up, let’s meet with Dario: a Cardinal and Deacon –
He says, “Give me a sign” as he begins to get his freak on;
Simon says, “Just hit him if he says it one more time;
Zero talent, zero style – and his Latin doesn’t rhyme”.
Now give it up for Joseph: He was John Paul’s bezzie mate –
He’s a German with a sermon and it’s said that he is great;
Simon says: “He’s definitely on the road to heaven –
Joe is no spring chicken: he is seventy – plus seven!”
Alfonso of Columbia comes in at sixty-nine,
He’s a Bish’ with a wish to be the big fish – declared to be divine;
But Simon says of Fonzie: “He’s wooden as a plank –
For all his so-called smells and bells, I think he really stank.”
‘Count’ Christoph is just sixty – he’s a Cardinal and Priest;
An Austrian archbishop, who can dish up quite a feast
Of liturgy and sacrament, but Simon says “Dear me,
If Plan A’s being ‘Pope Star’, I hope you’ve got Plan B.”
So who’ll be our Pope Idol: Light the fire, for Heaven’s sake!
Fonz, Dario – or Chris, or Joe? Find out –
after the break. . .