Category Archives: Getting Even

Hell Hath No Fury

Hell Hath No Fury

(a scented note, left on a dining room table)

Thank you for dumping me –
Have a nice life.
I’m glad I’m no longer your dutiful wife.
You said I was stupid – too foolish by far,
This dim little blonde
Set light to your car.

And ’cause I was bored – I thought I’d have a laugh:
I spray-painted your flat, cut your Y-fronts in half,
Put your whites in the wash with your red football shirt,
Which I spat upon, ripped-up, then dragged through the dirt.

Remember that photo of you in my frock?
I’ve made fifty copies – the Vicar’s in shock!
I’ve closed our account and spent most of the cash on
A stunning new wardrobe of haute-couture fashion.

What was left over, I spent on a lawyer;
Known to her clients as ‘The Dark Destroyer';
(She came recommended by Ivana Trump –
You know what happened when she got the hump).
And I’m sure your new squeeze will swiftly get rid o’ ya –
After she’s heard that you gave me Chlamydia.

Stunned? Well you shouldn’t be.
You have been warned:
Angelic I can be –
Until I am scorned.


© Theresa van Straten 2005 All Rights Reserved



What’s Yours is Mine. . .

What’s Yours is Mine. . .
(A 21st Century Cautionary Tale)

(For Heather & Richard, 11 July 2004)

Dearest beloved, I’ve pledged you my troth;
By law we are man and wife – you and me both;
My significant other, my husband, my mate:
Did you study the small print when you set the date?

It is stated in writing that what’s yours is mine,
And that part of the pact’s fundamentally fine;
But I’ve added a footnote within the next clause –
Just to clear up the part that says “what’s mine is yours”.

Well, it’s not quite that simple – I’m sure you’ll agree;
To pool one’s possessions and share equally.
So it is written – so let it be known,
That what’s yours is mine – and what’s mine is my own.

Now of course, there’s exception to this regulation;
There’s something I’ll give you without disputation.
Of all that I own, it is worth more by far
Than your iPod, your tripod, your house, or your car.

For richer for poorer, you’ve told me “I will”;
So, I willingly give you my credit card bill.


© Theresa van Straten 2005 All Rights Reserved